I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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