the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Randomize
