forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
