Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
