weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
