Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
