No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Let's get the cat blown out
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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