She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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