You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
