Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
