I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
smell my finger.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
