stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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