If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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