Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
They took my balls.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
