Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
