I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
