i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
