Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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