you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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