I intend to get homeless drunk
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
