ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My apartment stinks of burning failure
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
