i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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