I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
