apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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