That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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