Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
