xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
