I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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