found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
