i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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