non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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