# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
