She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
