She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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