I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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