i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
