When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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