I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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