Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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