Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
