i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
