HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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