Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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