If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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