Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Im part way to drunk.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
