when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
