Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
