and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
