Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Randomize
