I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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