Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
