He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
farters have to be the big spoon...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
