the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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