so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
