i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Less talking, more tequila
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
